Over the past many years, it seems that I have heard more about adoption than I ever have. My life has been touched by adoption on many levels. I've seen it done well, I've seen the adoption be received by the children adopted with gratitude, I've seen the adoptee struggle over the biological parent's perceived rejection, and struggle to embrace the love and care of the adoptive parent, I've felt the loss of a sibling I never knew, I've faced adoption as a potential option in an unexpected pregnancy, along with many other situations.
In all the scenarios I've seen, none seem to be more painful than the ones where either a child was adopted for reasons other than a pure desire to love, nurture, and train a child and launch them into adulthood, or the ones where the parent strives to truly be a parent to the child and the child simply won't have it, they are so hung up on the loss of the biological parent who simply couldn't or wouldn't play the role the child longed for them to play, and has built a fantasy about, so the adoptive parent never quite seems to make the cut. The child continually rejects the parents love and won't forgive for mistakes. There seems to be no ability in this type scenarios for the adoptee to step back and take an objective look at the fact that they were born to one individual, and another, who had no REAL moral responsibility to them made a clear, decisive decision to take that person on as their own, to make a commitment that is binding in every way, and make that person their child.
Recently I had opportunity to touch the heartache of what it is like to have a parent that really never signed up for the role, and did just enough to keep the child alive. I grappled with what I was seeing, the injustice of it all, the heart of the child toward the parent, the loyalty and unconditional love they felt for the parent, and the understanding of what a child needs from a parent beyond food, water, shelter, and enough clothing to get by. I was asking questions that demanded answers. I was talking to my husband about my struggle and in usual fashion, he challenged me to view this whole thing from another angle, to ask questions other than the one I was asking. Quite simply, he asked me to ask the Lord "Why would you bother to adopt this individual? Why would you bother to be as faithful to this person as you have been? Why would you bother to step in to such a messy situation and care, love, rescue, provide for, and redeem?" As I began to ponder these questions, that demanded an answer from ME. I had to conclude that the Lord loves this individual more than I can really ever know, that He cares more than I can fathom, and that my questions are all coming from the wrong perspective, they are questions that really have no satisfactory answer this side of Glory.
As my perspective has begun to shift, I have thought much about what it looks like in adoptive families when a child embraces an adoptive parent, when they are appreciative for the love and care that they have been given, it requires me to put away childish thinking.
Thank you Father for adopting me, for grafting me in. Teach me to relax in that, and live from it.
